how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Are my feet made of real feet?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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