matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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