So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
