I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
