I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I will pee on everything he values.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
