haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
