I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Randomize
