Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
