it wasn't lemon gatorade
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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