I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
