Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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