need another drink. this is the easiest way
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
