Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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