if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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