dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
