Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
