dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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