I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
