As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
