Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
