I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
and she was petting her beer can
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
