I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
