you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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