I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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