I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
