gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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