My first STD was from a foam party
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
