just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
