I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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