You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
