I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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