I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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