i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
do nipples grow back?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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