Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
