Define "chronic" masturbator.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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