Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
