TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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