Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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