He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
