tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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