yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
