dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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