no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
