Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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