check it out our google latitudes are spooning
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
