He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
