I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
