Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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