you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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