I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
