i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just had sex on a roof
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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