he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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