she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize