so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
