God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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