I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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