I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
