You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
