I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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