Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
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