you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
