dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This is my gift to your gina
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
