I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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