it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
