shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
