3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
