based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize