He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
