party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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