Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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