my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So much rum. So many feels.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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