are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
