After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
