one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
