On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
