Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Is it penis luge time yet?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
