So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
