Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
